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Stories and Poems by Lukan-the-Oracle

Literature by sin239697


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Submitted on
March 24, 2012
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497 bytes
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7,254
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383 (who?)
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51

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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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I have some things to say
Before you slip away
You try to guard your heart
Because your awful part
I feel your pain
But don't let it make you lame
I say this not as a friend
Nor with advise to lend
I observe with a deeper feeling
One very more sealing
So ill look and be near
But i will fear
You will never love me
But we will wait and see
I like a girl that had a bad part in her last relationship...and by lame i mean she cant do anything like she is lame like crippled not lame as a negative.
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:iconjokerrlaughs:
JokerrLaughs Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This poem is really sweet and meaningful, and I love the way it was constructed. :)
Hope it all works out, for both of you.
Reply
:iconnba76:
Nba76 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012
Good job, and I felt like that once. Didn't turn out for the best but I learned something from it.

I just hope you get the best of it and be happy.

:)
Reply
:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
sounds like a slippery sloap hope it works out
Reply
:iconolgolugo:
olgolugo Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice job!!! :love:
Reply
:iconheavenlytouch:
heavenlytouch Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This poem is so powerful ! Maybe the lines are short and the syllables are simple, but it creates a vivid description in my mind. Good job and keep writing ! :)
Reply
:iconmaniacofpokemon:
ManiacOfPokemon Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student General Artist
I like this poemand the picture for it as well :'D
Reply
:iconpinkbozo:
Pinkbozo Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Writer
I like your poem.. sad.. But I like it all the same.


I didn't read through all the comments... But all I have to say is:
She may not have fallen for you yet.. But don't give up..
Think of it this way (as childish and cheesey as this is) Yeah gotta fight a few more dragons/monsters... then ya get the princess.
I may be young, but a positive out look has always worked for me..
Keep smiling, hun
Reply
:iconcreamcheesegummybear:
CreamCheeseGummyBear Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
-flails- That, was epic. o_o It's all so true. Could I put it on my profile on another site? Crediting you, of course. xP
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Writer
yes you may :)
Reply
:iconcreamcheesegummybear:
CreamCheeseGummyBear Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^.^ Thanks.
Reply
:iconkristenemily13:
KristenEmily13 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is so sweet and sad... </3
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Writer
well thanks a lot :)
Reply
:iconakaik0:
Akaik0 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist
Is the picture from dA?
Could you give me the link for it? ^^
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Writer
no its not sorry
Reply
:iconbeautifulnorthwolves:
0.0 <3
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:iconhavefunxb:
HaveFunXB Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:c
Reply
:iconelninja:
elninja Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Photographer
I'd suggest to spread the rhyming a little like ABABCBCA... Instead of AABBCCDD...
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Writer
I will on my next poem
Reply
:iconcognitivedissidence:
CognitiveDissidence Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
Of course the message here is nice, if simple, but at the very least you need to get spelling and grammar down.
Reply
:iconinsanecatlady:
insanecatlady Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Nice words really sweet picture
Reply
:iconwritebynumbers:
WriteByNumbers Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Cap your "I"s and please use apostrophes. :meow: Grammar pet peeves.
Also, I have to say that some of your lines didn't make a whole lot of sense. (i.e "because you awful part" seems like it needs to be continued). Also, using words such as "lame" make the line almost forced. (There seemed to be a few others of these "unnatural" words, which threw off the poem a bit, and made it seem less professional.)
Besides those among others I care not to mention, this is a pretty cool poem. :D
Reply
:iconari98:
ari98 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
That looks relly cool. I love it heaps.
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Student Writer
hey ha you have the same pic do you change your pic because of this poem?
Reply
:iconlittleapplethief:
LittleAppleThief Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
love the pic and good luck :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconwarriorgirl123:
warriorgirl123 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
it a really cool poem
Reply
:iconrikkuredwolf:
RikkuRedwolf Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful... :'( good luck...
Reply
:iconhourglassoflosttime:
HourglassOfLostTime Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
All you can do is be there for her. Eventually she may realize her prince charming that was right in front of her eyes all along 1_~
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
I wish but that never really seems to happen but if it did i wouldnt have this poem so idk its good and bad
Reply
:iconhourglassoflosttime:
HourglassOfLostTime Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
It may take time. It took me nearly 5 years to realize (needless to say how much like a jerk I felt). Maybe let her know in a settle manner how you feel, just don't push. If anything, still be there.
Reply
:iconvipiim:
VipiiM Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
really .. thats a fuckin' kick-ass , dude .
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
well that is the most interesting comment iv ever gotten ha thanks
Reply
:iconvipiim:
VipiiM Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
hhhahhaahahhhahahaha
Reply
:iconjennyjinx:
JennyJinx Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
:D good luck!!!
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
thanks i hope i have good luck also
Reply
:iconjennyjinx:
JennyJinx Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
x3
Reply
:iconthesolitaryflower:
TheSolitaryFlower Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
wow.

you just managed to completely capture the way i've been feeling for the past year.
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
well thank you that means a lot
Reply
:iconthesolitaryflower:
TheSolitaryFlower Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
:nod:
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:iconmyhorsemyheart:
MyHorseMyHeart Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
I just...love this. :)
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
thanks a lot
Reply
:iconmyhorsemyheart:
MyHorseMyHeart Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012
sure :)
Reply
:iconxavier-jenon:
Xavier-Jenon Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
There's a typo or two, but otherwise a marvelous piece..
Usually, I don't like pieces without any form of punctuation, but I feel as though you did well without it.
It's the plight of the average teenage. You fall in love, but s/he has no idea that you even exist. But you stay hopeful! "But we will wait and see"


"Nor with advise to lend" - Advice*

"So ill look and be near" - I'll*

"But i will fear" - Capitalize that I!
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
ha well thank ha I think poems don't need it if you use it right. I love new forms of poetry and I look to Emily Dickinson for help.
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:iconjena4renna:
jena4renna Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
For me, this poem is really very heartfelt & meaningful.....& I also really love the photo ;)
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
thanks it really is
Reply
:iconsin239697:
sin239697 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student General Artist
I really like this poem
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
well thanks I try to put good and short poems out there :)
Reply
:iconsin239697:
sin239697 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student General Artist
it's awesome, and I like the picture you put with it as well. It goes with it ^~^
Reply
:iconzenzero541:
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Student Writer
thanks it took so long to find a name and a pic that goes with this poem
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